


Just do it

by OhHelloWhyThere



Category: Real Person Fiction, celebrity - Fandom, tom holland - Fandom
Genre: Break Up?, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-10
Updated: 2017-11-13
Packaged: 2019-01-31 10:21:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12679920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OhHelloWhyThere/pseuds/OhHelloWhyThere
Summary: You and Tom are dating...Kind of. Its not that the two of you have a label and thats what makes it work. What will happen when Tom's past toxic relationships creep into his ability to trust? Will he fight through his past or will the two of you end before you even started? Read on My Loves!





	1. Chapter 1

Tom got into his car and slammed the door. He gripped the steering wheel and looked straight forward. He tried, in vain, to will himself to turn the key and start the long drive to your home. He sat there in silence, unmoving. Moments past then he turned and looks at himself in the rearview mirror. He looked as a tired as he felt, his hair was a mess and the bags under his eyes were visibly darkened with worry. He felt heavy, he wanted just a bit more time where everything can stay normal. But he knew where he had to go and what he had to do. He winced as he turned away from his reflection and closed his eyes. He tried to center himself but the feeling remained. He didn’t feel pain for him, he was used to car rides that lead to these ends by now. 

He felt pain for you.

It was routine by this point, for Tom. He would let his guard down and get close to someone. He’d let them make him laugh or stay up late talking. He’d share his popcorn during a movie and then later his bed. Tom knew how to start and how to end, it was the middle part he had only experienced once. Never again.

This time with you it felt the same but also not, you were as glamourous as the rest but none of them had made him unable to start the car. None of them were this hard to let go. None of them made him this happy yet also this scared.  
Tom’s ears turned pink when he came to terms that he did it again, that he got too close to someone, and that’s when he began to turn the whole thing around. All this week he tried to distance himself slowly but every time you called he couldn’t help but answer. He had just spent the night two days ago. Seeing you sleeping softly next to him left him feeling sick. He couldn’t put this off any longer.

You both made it clear that you shared commitment issues. You two had even poked fun at the subject. It was part of the reason the two of you even became friends and then when it branched into something more. The transition was more fluid than formal. This wasn’t commitment this was easy and fun so long as you didn’t mention the L word (LOVE) you felt that things could stay light; stay happy. It’s not like the boy wasn’t shy about getting to know you. He was the first one to reach to hold hands. The first to go for the kiss. There were moments he would look at you when he thought you wouldn’t notice that seemed so real. Those looks alone made you feel like he was in it for the long run. 

But Tom knew. He knew what he had to do, and he knew what that meant to whatever it was the two of you were. He turned the keys and started the car. The a/c blasting in his face sending even more chills down his spine he sent that all too familiar text message that meant it was all about to change. 

TOM: We need to talk.

It all boiled down to some type of self-preservation. It’s interesting, when people break you in half you don’t hear the snap until they walk away. Tom had been snapped in two before and he healed but not all the way in the right place. She had taught him that if he chose to leave it hurt less than getting left.  
\-----------------------------  
You were sitting on your bed when you heard the ping of your phone. You jumped at the chance of possible plans and then you read the words across your screen, it was all he needed to say to you to make it feel like time stopped. 

Oh shit.

Your mind started to run a thousand miles a minute. Was he hurt? Was he moving back to London? Maybe it was good news, no he would have FaceTime. Those words. Those 4 little words had so much hanging on them. You could feel the ache in your chest as your eyes scanned over the message again and again. Then you understood.

Oh.

He wanted to have “the talk”. You had experienced it before but he was different, this was different. You got to your feet and started cleaning. You did this when you felt stressed. Things were going out of control but at least you could control having a freshly made bed.  
You shimmed with your pillow cases as another wave of anxiousness swept across your chest. You slumped onto the bed face first. He needed to talk, but you didn’t want to.   
Why would he do this god nothing was ever even labeled. You felt like a couple, you acted like a couple, but technically, you weren’t. And that was the beauty of it.  
You sat up straight and tried to come up with a reply that made some kind of sense biting your nails and wishing he was going to prove you wrong.

Tom drove with his phone tossed on the front seat already on his way to your place. This couldn’t be boiled down into a phone call.

YOU: I'm home right now.  
   
TOM: I’ll be there by 5:30

Both of your futures where speeding towards you with Tom guiltily behind the wheel.


	2. Dirty Dishes and Heartbreak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom finally makes it to your place. Will you be able to convince him to stay? Or do you need to be in a relationship that needs this much convincing at all? Read on My loves!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't the end. New Chapter Soon!

It was painful waiting for the knock on the door, every second ticked by. The clock in the kitchen echoing through out the home. You sat in your beat up arm chair facing away from the door. You dabbed at your mascara disappointed that you actually thought that an added layer of make-up would help. You stared at the wall.  
The silence was suddenly shattered with the harsh banging of a fist on the door. You let him knock then slowly raised from your seat. You walked to the front door his harsh knocks in time with your light step. You opened the door letting the powerful LA heat soak into your skin. Sure enough, Tom was there, right on time.   
You muttered a hello to a solemn face, his eyes were glued to the floor as he walked past you into your home not touching you. The door shut with a muted thud.

“Do you want something to drink?” You ask to his back trying to make some part of this normal. 

Your words fall to the floor landing past daft ears. Tom says nothing and stops cold. Not even  
daring to take a step into the living room to sit down.  
Your shoulders became increasingly rigid. The two of you caught in the stillness of the dim hallway, the walls almost closing in. Then you took a deep breath. 

“Tom”

His shoulders hunched over and head hanging low. You touch his shoulder, he changes his mind and instead walks forward and reaches the living room. You follow keeping your hands to your side, your socks sliding on the hard wood. His hand lands on the back of the armchair. Despite being taller than you, in the room he seems small.

“I can’t do whatever this is anymore.” he murmured. 

“That’s not true” you reply taking a step forward. You were willing to fight for this, but not beg.

“I can’t. You should know by now why I can’t.” Tom said turning to face you. You’re shocked at the amount of anger in his eyes. 

“Tom, what they did to you… It was fucked. But I’m not them.” you try to reason. He grips the back cushion of the chair and stares at the painting the two of you picked out a couple weeks ago. You know him him well enough to know this: he’s scared. 

“I can’t get close to you. Not anymore.” he says.  
You could feel tears start to prickle at the edges of your eyes. Shit, he was actually doing this. The stone in your stomach weighed you down but all you wanted to do was float away. 

“I know it sounds stupid, but I can’t go through this again. I’m sorry.” he continued. 

A lump formed in your throat. It made it hard to breath. You swallowed hard. Tom looked towards the hallway and shifted his weight as if to turn to go.  
Oh no, there was no way the two of you were leaving it at that. You thought.

“You are full of shit.” You say blocking his path. Tom stuffed his hands in his pockets.

“I’m not the one talking about leaving here. I mean what am I to you that you can just stand there…You can’t even look at me.” your voice broke as you stammered out the words.

Tom glanced in your direction then back away, his jaw clenching at the sight of you upset.   
This is why he did what he did. He couldn’t get close to people, because all that did was bring them pain. 

“This is your choice. And you’re making a mistake.” You grit out. He needed to look at you. You take a step closer then another until your face to face with his.

The two of you lock eyes.

He’d done this so many times before, but this time seeing you upset made him feel something that freaked him out. He was feeling heartbreak again. 

“You know what you mean to me,” he said, trying to make things better.

“Don’t you dare” you spat. “If you meant that, you wouldn’t be doing this to me in my god damn living room”.  
Tom’s eyes dropped to the floor again.

“Look at me, Tom.” You voice was dripping with torment. You hated how weak your voice sounded. You griped his chin in you hand, something you had done a thousand times but now it might be the last.  
Tom’s eyes reluctantly met your red rims, tears starting to trail down your face. 

“I’m protecting yo-“

“This isn’t about me at all.” you interrupt. “If you know me then you would never let this get to you because you would know that I am NOT HER!” 

“The people who get close to me get hurt” Tom retorted the same line he had used a hundred times before. You release his chin from your grasp and take a step back.

“No. You believe that when you get close to people, you get hurt”. You snapped at him with your arms wrapped around yourself as the tears started to flow.

“I can’t get hurt like that again, you don’t understand” he said.  
You stand up straight and turn to face him. You raise your chin in defiance.  

“So instead you hurt me. Because I’m not as important as your ego.”. 

“I didn’t mean to-“ He starts. 

“Didn’t mean to? Like you didn’t know this what you came here to do?” You begin to pace back and forth, the anger seeping in.

“You were the one who wanted to do more then just fuck me. Take me places, do things, kiss me good night. That was you! God I was going to have Christmas with your family this year. Are you fucking serious Tom?” You say throwing your hands in the air. He stared at you with a blank face.

“I just wish that you hated me. It would make things so much easier” he finally spoke. 

“Well luckily for me,” you say sarcastically, “it’s the exact opposite”.

“What?” he says.

“I don’t hate you. I really, really, truly, un-hate you…Even now.” You say with your hands pressed together. You stop pacing.

He started to piece together what you meant.

“You love me?” he asked. 

You didn’t respond, instead you turned to walk away from him and into the kitchen. You needed something to drink, or clean. Tom trailed close behind.  
Tom called your name, you rolled your eyes as you started the dishwater and collected your roommates dirty pot of Mac & Cheese off the stove. You started dry scrapping the last of the crusted pasta. Tom turned off the water from right behind you. He wasn’t done.

“you can’t love me”

“And why not? “you ask in a harsh tone 

“Even if I can’t be with you I can still do that.” You snap back to look at him with fierce eyes a dish towel in one a hand and dirty dish in the other. 

“You can be so difficult and still I can’t not...” You returned to the sink. You pounded at the bottom of the pot with a vigor.

“Sometimes you have to trust people, Tom.”

“My life doesn’t work like that” he breaths in your ear.  
You slammed down the pot, dirty water splashing in both of your faces. Tom wipes spuds off his brow.

“So what? You want to live out your party-boy days with no restraints? Being the big movie-star that you are?”

“No, it’s not like that!” Tom defended. You didn’t believe it. 

“Yeah, sure. hey next time you have girl in your bed make sure you make her leave before breakfast. Just a tip” you say, facing away from him again. 

“Y/N” he says grasping your shoulders. You knew you had hurt him too. Good.

“Just go, Tom” you whisper. Tom didn’t speak as he walked past you out the door, leaving you to your dishes.

Alone. 


	3. Empty Beds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a Friday night and the two of you spend it apart. Today Tom could have sworn he saw you or was it him just wanting to? Will the two of you be able to move on or will the night be too awful to face alone? Read on My Loves!

It had been weeks since your last encounter with Tom. Not even a response from your drunk call you made the second week it had sunk in. You understood he needed space but silence? But it wasn’t just you, even your mutual friends weren’t hearing from him. Its like he vanished.

No texts, no posts, not even any Instagram updates since then. 

It didn’t go unnoticed by his fans. His sudden absence was an obvious clue that something had happened, but you did your best to stay out of the drama that was evolving around it online.  
Your closest friends knew what had happened, and tried to help. You had more chocolate than you knew what to do with. You had gone through this before, you’d get through it everyone said but those closest to you could tell you were slipping into yourself. You spent the first week couch hopping from place to place. You didn’t want to be in your bed. Tom had left a dent in it. As weeks past you’d turn over and fall slightly into the divot that his body had formed in the mattress. You woke up one-night crying. His spot was cold.

Now almost a month since seeing Tom it was a Friday night, and you spent it sprawled on your old armchair with a random season of Friends running in the background. You sat on your phone, scrolling through timelines of different apps, mindlessly reading tweets and posts about everything and nothing. You had acquired more time to waste recently.

Miles away, tucked back in a lavishly furnished apartment Tom was doing the same thing, but instead he was scrolling through your old posts. He had told himself not to, and that amount self control lasted for all of two hours. He scrolled through the endless array of images of you caught mid-smile. He thought he saw you at the restaurant where he had dinner at that night. But it was just another smile, one not as prefect as yours.

He sat in the darkness of his room, thumb sliding down the history of your posts. Until he found the one he was searching for. It was a photo he had taken of you, no make-up with your hair down. You were looking out the window at the people next door putting up Christmas lights the day after Halloween. You had your chin in your hand as you balanced your elbow on your knee and smiled at their eagerness unaware that your photo was being taken. He stared at the candid.

God he missed you.

He moved on and chuckled to himself when he came across the photo of the two of you, a selfie, with cake batter all over your faces. 

The caption read: No I’m not going to explain this. 

But Tom didn’t need explaining. He had been there. A food fight had broken out during an attempt to make a cake not for something special but because drunk you thought you deserved some cake. Tom had kept dipping his finger in the mix and eating it. In one final push to save Tom from salmonella your drunk logic deemed that it was better to throw it at his face in order to keep in out of his mouth. It turned into an all out war with no victors. All that was left was enough for one cupcake which Tom forgot about and burnt to a crisp.  
Defeated and cake-less the two of you fell onto your old faded armchair. You sat in Toms lap as he picked the batter out of your hair sleepy and content. It was one of Toms favorite memories. 

The same chair you were sitting on right now.

Tom tried to imagine you in the present. It felt better than remembering the past or looking to a future without you.

He pictured you curled up in your favorite knitted sweater, legs tucked up to your chest. You were probably still stuck on the same level on that app while watching Friends for the billionth time.  
Tom put his phone down and pinched the bridge of his nose. He felt the scar over his skin, and couldn’t help but think back to the time he almost broke his nose again in front of you, trying to do a back flip while a little drunk.  
You patched him back up, cleaned the blood and helped him get to the hospital to ensure everything was not broken. He was completely embarrassed but you remained unaffected by the humor of it. You just wanted him to be okay. You stayed with him that night to make sure that he slept well, and that the slight concussion wouldn’t make things worse. The idea of having you around made his insides both warm and cold. And then his train of thought lead him to where it always did the last couple weeks: he chose to leave you. 

He flipped on his stomach and landed on what had once been your side of the bed. God the way you looked in his bed; he drowned in the faint smell of your skin still stuck his mind. The way your face fell as you slept, how your hair was always a mess but was so soft around your face. Your cheeks a slight pink.

Now you slept alone, cold under the blankets without him to cuddle up to your side. There was no one to warm your feet. He never thought he’d miss your icy toes but now he longed for them in the darkness. His bed was an empty bed too. 

Who was going to calm you after you wake from a nightmare? You always had them after seeing scary movies which was often. Who would be the one to hold your head close to their chest, so you could hear a heartbeat? He knew how much you were comforted by the sound and the feel of his chest rising and falling with each of his breaths.   
He twitched his hand hanging over the side of his bed. Your hands: they used to wander down his body and graze over his chest, down to his stomach.

He practically become intoxicated as he reminisced about the way the two of you made love. The way the shape of your body moved in sync with his, the sounds he elicited from you, the feeling of your skin on him.  
Tom tried to convince himself that he did the right thing.   
But deep down, he knew he didn’t. 

He did to you, what he was trying to avoid happening to him.

You were right.

In that moment, he felt a flood of guilt, selfishness and pain. His chest tightened and his head hurt. He didn’t know how to make it right at this point. 

He knew if he sent a text message, it would be ignored at the advice of anyone with a sane mind, that goes for phone call or face time. He knew those wouldn’t work, so he gathered his things and headed out. He had one goal in mind: 

To make it to your door.


	4. Sitcoms and Sit Downs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom makes it to your front door with his heart in his hands. Your quiet Friday night in has now turned into a night you will never forget. Will Tom be able to win you back or will his words not be heard? Read on my Loves!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final Chapter.

The cheesy sitcom continued to roll on your TV. You watched it with your eyes glazed over. You were soaked in the closest thing you could have to relaxation. Suddenly the sound of a knock on the door echoed through the room. You lurched forward in surprise at the sound. You sat up then rolled your eyes, it was probably someone coming to pick up your roommate. 

You started walking to the door then remembered:  
your roommate wasn’t home.

You frowned at the thought as you reach the door. Who is this? The knocking persisted.

“Okay Okay! I’m coming.” you say throwing your hands in the air. You open the door wide.

You froze.

“Oh…” You utter.

“I called your roommate and she told me you’d be home. Um…Hello.” he said casually with a small wave, as if the two of you just bumped into each other in the store and not on your door step unannounced.

Your hand remained stiff on the door knob leaning on it for balance as the numbness washed over you. Your eyes fell onto his face framed by those familiar brown curls. You almost flinched from the familiarity of his warm chocolate brown eyes.

“What are you doing here Tom?” you manage to stammer out. 

“I had to come see you. May I come in?” Tom said. You continued to stare trying to regain the feeling in your legs. He clasped his hands together is if in pray.

“Please?” He said.

“Lord help” you mutter before turning away and going back into the living room. Tom took this as an invitation to follow you, closing the door behind you.  
You heard the door click shut and kept on walking half hoping that it was the sound of him leaving. Your head was spinning.

“We need to talk” He says as the two of you reach the living room.

“Oh you have got to get a better line than that Holland.” You say to the wall. Your whole body starting to shake.  
“Because I’ve heard it before”. You say drily, turning on your heels to face him. The episode you were on still playing. A laugh track fills the room.

“Friends. I knew it” Tom says pointing to the screen. You frown as you reach for the remote and shut it off. 

Silence. Tom took a deep breath.

“I am so sorry for everything…I miss you”. The words took the right air out of your lungs.

“No, no you don’t get to do that.” You stutter sitting down in your armchair.

“I can’t-” He says leaning over you to meet your eyes. 

“Tom” you interrupted. His body felt too close to yours; you push him away at his shoulders. He stared at you with sad eyes.

“You broke me,” You whisper fully shaking now. He crouches down and takes your hand holding it between his own keeping your gaze. You were too weak to deny his offered comfort. You had missed his hands so much.

“You... I haven’t slept. I called.” you say removing your glasses and rubbing at your eyes with your free hand. He drops his head.

“You just left.” He shook his head grief stricken. He kisses your knuckle.

“Not even a text. Tom you were just gone! And you just show up as soon as I’m back to thinking straight.” He wraps one hand around your wrist and squeezes your fingers tighter.

“All you can say is that you missed me?” you finish by placing your hand under his chin. Your words filled with pain.

“I just want to make this right” he said, whispering. He sounded scared. Scared of how this is happening and what was going to happen. You both were.

“You were right.” He breaths

“I don’t care about that.” You scoff and get up suddenly, letting go of him and cross to the other side of the room, he also stands.

You turn to look out the window, you see the people next door putting up Christmas lights despite it not even being close to Thanksgiving. Tom waited to see you smile like you did in the photo he had stared out not an hour ago but instead you remain stone faced. 

“Y/N” he says and you winced at the sound. It was too effortless. You faced to turn and look at him. Your eyes almost sunken.

“I want to try this again,” he said.

“What part of this do you exactly want again?” you scoffed.

“You were my best friend” he says and takes a steps and reaches for you. You push a curl away from his face.

“I know.” you retort then poke him lightly on the chest “You were mine.”  
You look down then shrug.

“Well you were my best friend that I was also sleeping with. Which happened to complicate things.” You say earning you a laugh, the whole room instantly becoming less tense.

“Exactly.” He says. You look at him expecting more. “And I fucked up.”  
You nod your head.

“Understatement of a life time.” you murmur under your breath, knowing all too well Tom heard you.

“I want to make it up to you” he says.

“Well, if you were thinking chocolate Lauren beat you to it.” You say pointing to the small pile of picked over chocolate goodies your friend had given you on the far end table.

“She’s not very happy with you be the way.” You add walking over to get yourself a piece.  
Tom sits down with a huff.

“Yeah I believe it. Harrison isn’t happy with me either.”  
It felt nice to talk with him, to hear about his friends.

“We did this all out of order. Gez, how are you? What did you go and break you nose again?” You ask with a sly smile.

He chuckled and the two of you fell into normal conversation taking a break from the past. You ate chocolate and laughed and without either of you realizing it hours had ticked by. Somehow you ended up in his lap, lounging in the chair together watching the show again. You had your friend back. You tried to contain yourself. To just be in the moment but you couldn’t help it. You broke.

“Okay seriously though, how does this go from here Tom? We become friends again, great. We get close again, great. And what? Say we have a night and then you’ll just go and freak out again?” you reply.

“It wont be like that” he tries to reason.

“Sure it won’t.” you say getting ahead of yourself. You couldn’t help but suddenly feel like this whole night was just to play with your emotions.

“You never even called me your girlfriend yet we clearly just broke up. I mean how do we even try to understand that?” 

He looked hurt, and you felt a little bad, because it seemed like he was trying. 

“I know I don’t deserve your trust, and I may never get it back. But I can’t help myself around you. You are different, this is different.” He said talking with his hands.

“This last month fucking sucked. For both of us. Y/N you make everything better. I was too selfish to consider that. You are the best thing that has happened to me” he continued.

You can hear the truth in his tone. He’s just getting started.

“Every day I would wake up and look forward to seeing you. Everywhere I looked I would see something that would remind me of you. I couldn’t even go out because I was scared to see you but at the same time all I wanted to do was see you. Every time something exciting happened all I wanted to do was rush home and tell you about it. I miss having you in my life.”

It took a second for the words to sink in. You snuggled in more, he wrapped his arms around you.

“You make me the best kind of…me. If that makes any sense?”

“It does.” 

Tom was worried. He could feel his hands start to sweat and a heat rushing to his face. He didn’t even know if this was going to be enough. You could feel him tense. There was this sincerity behind his words. He really was hurt by what he did to you.

“So we’re going to turn this around. This is a good start.”  
Tom’s eyes grew in realization. 

“You mean…”

“I mean I want you in my life too, Tom. I’m going to need time but I’m willing to work on this.” 

Tom took your face in his hands and went to kiss you then stopped as if afraid to cross some line. You leaned in and kissed him anyway. This was going to be hard but as the kiss went on you knew it would be worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> New Chapter Soon!


End file.
